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What the fourth trimester can REALLY feel like

  • Writer: Rosie Gard-Storry
    Rosie Gard-Storry
  • Dec 11, 2025
  • 6 min read

In the early weeks after birth, time can take on a different shape, blending together.

Hours stretch and fold, daylight blends into darkness, and suddenly you realise you’ve been feeding your baby for what feels like hours… or maybe it’s been three minutes.


You look around the room and it’s the same house you’ve lived in before baby arrived, but you’re not the same person who lived here before.


This is the fourth trimester — a time of HUGE change, learning, adapting and growing.


Fourth trimester cuddles
Fourth trimester cuddles


When society expects us to “bounce back,” the truth is this: you are meant to slow down and rest.

Your body is healing from something monumental.

Birth — whether vaginal, assisted, or via abdominal surgery — demands recovery. Maybe there was trauma, maybe you’re still processing unexpected turns, or maybe everything went “to plan” but still feels enormous. Hormones can take three months to settle, and full physical recovery can take up to two years. None of this is a failure — it’s biology.

In the middle of all this healing, your hormones rise and fall like a tide you’re trying to understand. You’re learning to breastfeed, figuring out the latch, the positions, the tiny questions no one warned you would ask yourself at 3 a.m.


Babies feed often — very often.


Sometimes more than 12 times in 24 hours. That frequency can leave parents exhausted and overwhelmed, wondering whether their baby is getting enough milk… when in reality, this is completely normal new-born behaviour.

Their stomachs are tiny, and breastmilk is easily digestible — which means they feed little and often (sometimes hourly). This is especially true in the evenings when cluster feeding kicks in, right through those so-called “witching hours.” These can be tough, lonely moments that make you question every decision you’ve ever made.

But please don’t doubt yourself. What you’re experiencing is normal, and you are doing far better than you realise.

And while you’re navigating this feeding rhythm, you’re adjusting to sleep that arrives in tiny, fragmented pieces. You’re told to “sleep when the baby sleeps,” but that feels impossible when there are jobs to do, places to be, and a whole new identity settling into your bones.

Yet in the middle of all this, society expects you to smile, be grateful, and “enjoy every moment — it goes so fast.”

But what if you’re not enjoying every moment?

What if you’re struggling?


It is biologically normal for babies under one (and even beyond) to wake frequently at night. I know it’s hard, but anyone saying otherwise simply doesn’t understand infant sleep development or normal baby behaviour.

A healthy newborn is designed to wake often — to regulate their temperature, keep their stomach full, maintain their heart rate, and stay close to a caregiver. In our cave-dwelling days, this closeness kept babies alive… and today, it still supports their brain development, bonding, and emotional security.

So snuggle them close. Enjoy those contact naps. Respond when they need you.

You’re not creating “bad habits” — you’re meeting biological needs.


And the truth is, it’s nearly impossible for a breastfeeding parent not to end up bedsharing at some point — and it shouldn’t be shamed or surrounded by fear. What families need isn’t scare-mongering; it’s realistic, evidence-based guidance so that if bedsharing does happen (and it often does), everyone stays safe, rested, and supported.

(For safe bedsharing guidance: Lullaby Trust · Safe Sleep 7.)


Here’s what often gets lost: you can love your baby deeply and still find this season unbelievably hard.

Both can be true.

They often are.

There are moments in the fourth trimester when you can feel both surrounded and completely alone. You can hold your baby against your chest, breathe them in, feel the depth of your love… and still experience sadness, anger, confusion, or grief for the version of yourself you no longer recognise.

You are allowed to feel that.You are allowed to say, “This is not what I expected.”You are allowed to crumble sometimes.

So what would happen if you gave yourself some grace? If you slowed down, took the nap, left the sink full? You might find that trusting yourself — prioritising rest, gentleness, and the slow rhythm of these early days — supports your long-term recovery far more than pushing through ever could.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow will feel different.

Be kind to yourself.


Intuition Over Instruction

One of the most powerful tools you bring into parenthood isn’t something someone has taught you. It isn’t written in a book, or found in a class, or tucked inside someone else’s opinion.

It’s your intuition.

Your deep, quiet, steady knowing.

You know your baby in a way no one else does.

You recognise their cries, their rhythms, the tiny shifts in their breathing — the gentle cues that say, “I need you now.”

Picking your baby up.

Holding them close.

Responding quickly and consistently — these are not habits that “spoil” a baby.


Only fruit spoils. Babies don’t.


When you respond with warmth, softness, and presence, you’re creating a human who feels safe, loved and connected. A secure attachment has been shown to develop a more developed emotional control, raise self-esteem, building social skills and resilience and healthier, more trusting adult relationships – all stemming from a secure sensitive and responsive care giver starting from birth. (NSPCC)

Secure attachment doesn’t grow from perfect routines or strict rules.


It grows from connection.

From responsiveness.

From trusting yourself.


The fourth trimester all the way to adulthood your child is learning the world

.And you are learning who they are, and what they could be. Somehow, beautifully, the two of you find your way together, build from a place of love and support.


The Noise of Unsolicited Advice

However, …You might find that people — lovingly, and from a place of kindness — start offering advice you didn’t ask for.

“Have you tried doing this?”

"Oh, when mine was a baby, I always…”

“All they need is a good routine.”


It’s never meant to overwhelm you, but it often does. Because advice is not the same as support, support looks like someone washing your dishes while you feed your baby, someone dropping off a warm meal without expecting a long chat, someone taking the toddler out for an hour so you can close your eyes. Someone asking, “How are you?” and genuinely wanting the real answer.

Support respects your choices.

It honours the parent you’re becoming — not the parent someone else thinks you should be.

So – reduce visitors, invite those who you KNOW with follow your lead. Value yourself, you value and parenting skills enough to say NO.


You Are Not Meant to Do This Alone

Humans were never meant to parent in isolation.

In many cultures, postpartum is a time of rest, nourishment, and communal care — not a test of strength or independence.

Here, in our busy modern world, asking for help can feel like failing.

But it’s not.

It’s a huge sing of strength. See it as a form of love — for yourself and for your baby.

If you need someone to talk to, a safe space to share how you’re really feeling, or practical support that meets your needs rather than someone else’s idea of what you “should” be doing… you deserve that.

You deserve care too.

You are not alone in this story.

And you can reach out any time.


Gentle, Evidence-Based Support You Can Follow Online

These accounts and resources are grounded, supportive, and evidence based.

They won’t tell you who to be — they’ll help you feel less alone while you find your own way:


Infant sleep educators

IBCLCs & breastfeeding counsellors

Babywearing consultants

Perinatal mental health support

Postnatal doulas & slow-living advocates

Pelvic health physiotherapists


These voices are here to walk alongside you — not above you.


If You’re Reading This and You’re Pregnant or Newly Postpartum…

Take a breath. Place a hand on your heart, or your belly, or your baby’s back.

You’re doing more than you realise.

You’re learning an entirely new world — one that is squidgy, overwhelming, beautiful, exhausting, and life-changing all at once.

You don’t have to be “okay” every moment. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You’re doing it your way, and that’s enough. And you absolutely don’t have to do it alone.


I’m here whenever you need support.

 Rosie x



 
 
 

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